Archive for the Food Category

Eight Eating Etiquettes with Asians.

Posted in Culture, Family, Food, Humor, Issues, Life on February 26, 2007 by geniusadvice

I’m still in the CNY mode, so here goes. (By Asian, I mean Chinese. Sorry, South Asians!) Hopefully the advice belows makes you on good terms with Asians relating to their culture through dining. Especially if you’re meeting your hot Asian girlfriend’s parents for the first time and they’re not white-washed. For all the points below, assume you are eating at a Chinese restaurant, and you are the minority there. That means NOT Asian, buddy.

1.
Arrive on time. Needless to say, Asians are vey judgemental while not on the outside. Being late will only label you as a slob. And that’s minus 2 brownie points.

2.
If it’s a special occasion (ie. birthdays, Chinese New Years), bring a gift. Like oranges, because…that’s how Asians are (for lack of a better explanation). For Chinese New Years, I think the unspoken rule is that married folks need to give children money in red pockets.

When you are excepting gifts, it is custom to refuse it first, preferably 3 times. If the giver doesn’t not seem to want to insist 3 times, once is fine. As long as you look reluctant to receive it.

3.
Pour the tea for everybody. This is only polite, and you should do this especially for elderly people or people generally older than you. Do not order or water Coke, as that will make it seem like you are not trying to get to know your guests. Love the tea, and pretend you’re drinking coffee instead.

4.
Learn how to use chopsticks in advanced.
This will impress Asians a lot. Forks are a no-no.

5.
Answer the interrogation questions during mealtime. This is like an interview and if they don’t like you, you’re pretty much screwed. Make you job sound glorious, even if you’re a programmer. (No offence). Don’t say how you enjoy making out with the parents’ daughter or anything stupid like that. You might get…um…injured very badly.

6.
Research some Asian dishes you can order in advanced. You won’t be getting any French fries. Don’t order Western food in a Chinese restaurant. There’s a reason for that.

7.
Dress decent. Don’t overdress, but dress ‘decent’.

8.
Paying for the bill. I don’t know if only Asians can do this, but you must seem that you really want to pay for the meal to the extent of fighting for your right to pay. Yes, this seems ridiculous, but I assure you that this is not some Asian conspiracy to scam you for a free meal. Seriously.

And that’s it.
Don’t hold me responsible if anything back fires.
Because I’ll delete this site faster than you can say “Nee ho maa??”

Dear Mr. Sandwich,

Posted in Fiction, Food, Humor, Writing on February 19, 2007 by geniusadvice

I must be frank – I don’t think we can be friends, or even acquaintances, anymore. It only seemed like yesterday when I made you, and I think it was. Your outer shell, made of white bread, because whole wheat wouldn’t be good enough for my pal. With the white sesame seeds that graced the bread, you were handsome. And the freshest iceberg lettuce money can buy went into you. Tomatoes, proud and ripe, are embedded in your core, powering you, sir, with its succulent juices. I cut my finger for your cause, too. Cut my finger peeling the onions…for you. And you grew. Tasty. Mr. Sandwich. We can’t be friends anymore. This is the end, I’m afraid. But not as much as you should be.

Goodbye forever, Mr. Sandwich.