Why You Aren’t Invited To Weddings Anymore

You keep tapping the glass with your fork, even after the newlyweds have kissed.

You stick out your foot in the aisle in hopes of tripping the bride.

You don’t even know who’s getting married.

You’re the guy that gets to the venue late and takes the bride’s parking spot.

You think after the wedding, the bride is going to eat the groom like praying mantids. And you keep telling that to everybody you meet.

You try and toast the new couple but forget their names ’cause you’re drunk.

After 5.), you think you can substitute their names with Bert & Ernie.

You can’t count.

When the officiator asks if anybody objects to the marriage, you stand up only to say, “Just stretching.”


One Response to “Why You Aren’t Invited To Weddings Anymore”

  1. this is goddamned funny! it seriously made my day.
    by the way. i’m jonatron from tastyword, and unijorn on wordpress. i’ll be starting to use this i guess.

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